


My Mind: What A Dark World.

by warriorcat04



Series: This is what real fear looks like. [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lonely Reader, Multi, Orphan Reader, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parents are nice, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Reader Needs a Hug, References to Depression, Tickling, but other people aren't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorcat04/pseuds/warriorcat04
Summary: The reader came from a broken home, and she refuses to let anyone know anything about her past. She set up a wall around herself to the point where she convinces herself that all the painful things that she went through wasn't real. But one night, her tongue betrays her real thoughts and when confronted, she shrinks back into herself, back into those memories. Will the Avengers and X-Men be able to pull her out of the darkest places of her mind?





	1. Flashbacks

It was nearly a year ago when the Avengers found you and brought you to the Avengers Complex. The first time you stepped inside the doors, you had to be led around like a puppy because you were so overwhelmed. A month after you had been brought there, you started to try and mix with them, and that's when you noticed. These people should NEVER have been left together alone. They were play fighting, cuddling, all doing some form of playful physical touch. You were so shocked that when they noticed you and asked you if you were okay, you turned on your heel and left the room. A few of them followed you, Bucky, Loki, and Peter. After a few false starts, you became super close to those three people. Then, when they were in the room, you started to make friends with the others. And now, a year later, you were super close to everybody in the Complex.

Even though you knew everyone really well and had a lot of people you could turn to, you didn't tell them about two things: one, your depression.

While your parents were still alive, you had become a teenager and found out with your mom that your hormones were naturally out of whack. This caused you to have severe mood swings and bouts of depression. Your mom had found some supplement pills that helped you a lot, but only if you took them consistently. Guess what happened when they died? You accidentally skipped two days and you were an emotional mess. You were terrified that it would happen again, so you bought as many pill bottles as you could finish before they expired. After moving into the Complex, it got so much harder to keep this a secret.

More then once, you almost got caught with the empty bottles as you were throwing them away. Each time, you told them a believable excuse while you disposed of the bottle, making sure that they couldn't read the label and look it up.

But yesterday you had run out of one of your supplements. 

"No biggie", you had told yourself. "The store always has them."

Turns out that the store was waiting on a supply of them to come in the next week. You tried a dozen other ones and they all said the same. One store promised that you would be sent a box from their shipment of that pill for free since you needed it badly.

Twenty four hours hadn't even passed, and you felt yourself start feeling upset for some reason, like you wanted to cry, but you weren't able to. You felt a hand on your shoulder, snapping you from your thoughts.

"(Y/N), are you gonna pick the movie or what?" Tony asked.

"Yeah sure. Umm, let's just watch Singin' In The Rain, I guess," you offered uncertainly.

"We watched that last week," Rhodey complained.

"Okay fine," you hissed. "The Band Wagon."

Rhodey stared at you in shock. You never snapped like that. Never.

"You heard (Y/N) FRIDAY. Roll film!" Tony called out before heading back to the couch that the Avengers were crammed on.

You were left alone on the armchair, cold air hitting your bare arms and legs.

You tried to focus on the movie, but you found yourself staring at the Avengers, all of them cuddling or hugging each other in some way. You stared at them for about thirty minutes before Steve and Bucky looked up and caught your eye. You jerked your gaze away, but it was too late.

"(Y/N), everything okay?" Steve asked, pausing the movie.

"Yep." you answered, nodding. "I'm okay."

Bucky studied your face for a minute, then replied, "No, you're not."

You glared at Bucky, then sighed and slumped back in your chair. "No, I'm not."

"What's up?" Steve asked.

You decided to play like a child for what it was worth. You raised your arms and made grabby hands, and said with a childlike tone and a serious face, "I want cuddles mommy!"

Everybody burst into laughter at your childish goofiness.

"C'mere princess," Peter called, still laughing as he waved you over to where he was cuddling between Clint and Loki.

You walked over to the over filled couch and sat under where Bucky and Loki was. The two guys shared a look and sat down beside you on the floor, curling up beside you and hugging you. You curled up between them. At this point, Steve sat on the floor, so he wouldn't lose Bucky as his pillow, and played the movie again. You started feeling a little happy again, but your depression decided to strike back hard. When one of your favorite scenes appeared on the screen, you felt Bucky put an arm around you to stop your shoulders from shaking with cold. Instead, they started shaking as you curled up and pressed yourself into Bucky and started crying.

Bucky hugged you, but he didn't realize that you were crying until he felt his shirt start getting wet. He glanced down at you and saw your face pressed into his chest and felt your body heave for breath.

"Steve, pause the movie and turn on the lights," Bucky whispered as he held you close and rocked you back and forth gently.

Steve did so, the others protesting until they saw you.

Loki rubbed your shoulder gently and snuggled up beside you, whispering soothing words into your ears. It took them almost twenty minutes to calm you down. You had stopped crying, but you didn't pull your face away from Bucky's shirt. You wanted to stay like this forever.

But no. Buck's hand slipped under your chin and pulled your head up so he could see your eyes. Cue the second thing that you had hidden from the group, your immense ticklishness.

You held back a giggle, but instead you made a sort of choking noise. Bucky studied your face for a few moments, then curiously ran one of his fingers down your neck. You jerked away with a squeak and rubbed your neck where he had touched you. That got his attention. He shared a look with Loki and they squeezed your sides together. You shrieked and jumped away from them to the other side of the room.

"What?" Bucky asked in delight. "You're ticklish?"

"No. I just find you touching me very funny," you deadpanned.

Bucky was wearing one of his signature smirks. It looked so familar to you, but you couldn't quite place your finger on it. Suddenly, it hit you like a wall of bricks: Bucky wore that face whenever he had the intent of tickle torturing anybody in the Complex.

"No. Do not." you warned, backing away towards the door.

"Why?" Bucky asked, a knowing smile on his face.

You paused and glanced around at the room of Avengers, your family. Suddenly, it didn't feel like you could trust them anymore, not with your past hurts.

"Because..." you tried to voice what you were feeling now.

"Because why?" Peter asked, joining Bucky.

"Because... I don't..." you took that time to bolt from the room.

"Let's go," Bucky crowed, running after you.

You were by the elevators, jamming the button to get it to open.

"Doll, where are you?" you heard Bucky call.

The elevator door opened and you bolted inside, trying to shut it.

Bucky came around the corner and jumped inside just before the doors closed entirely.

"So, what's your reason for me not to tickle you to death?" Bucky asked, a smirk covering the whole of his features as he slowly advanced towards you. "You like it, I saw it in your eyes that you enjoyed it. So why would you turn down a chance to be loved by me?"

You looked down and finally voiced what you had been feeling ever since you missed your pills.

"I don't deserve it. This. Any of this... Even my life."

Bucky stopped moving towards you, hurt flickering across his gaze.

"What?" he whispered, his eyes betraying his shock and concern for you.

The elevator doors opened on your floor and you rushed out, calling over your shoulder, "Please don't tell anyone."

You ran to your room and shut the door.

And suddenly, you found yourself on the floor sobbing like when your parents were killed. How much time had passed, you didn't know. The light streaming in through your curtains was a hint that it was at least morning. You turning your head and found yourself staring at a picture that you had taken with the team on your birthday half a year ago. They missed your actual birthday, but Steve was around on that day and he was the only one who knew about your liking of tickling. He hadn't told anyone else that you liked it, or even that you were ticklish, which had proved to you how loyal he was. Bucky was gonna take the chance to show that he loved you. Peter and Loki cuddled with you when you were upset, and the girls helped you through your panic attacks when there was too many people around.

"Why... what am I doing?" you whispered to yourself.

You picked yourself off the floor and laid on the bed. You plugged in a pair of earbuds and played your favorites playlist. By the time you got to the end of it, you had moved into the living room and you were dancing and singing to your heart's content. Your heart started to feel lighter and the darkness that plagued your thoughts left. You knew they would return in greater numbers, but for now, you were happy. You leaned backwards and flopped down on the floor. You stared at the ceiling in a happy daze, recalling so many happy memories with your family, then with the Avengers...

"Oh crap!" you hissed, sitting bolt upright.

You had completely forgotten what you had said to Bucky the night before.

"I don't deserve it."

Those words rang through your head. Then you scrambled to your feet and took off towards the elevator. You furiously jabbed the up button.

"Come on!" you hissed to yourself.

Finally the elevator doors opened. You rushed in and got knocked flat on the floor as you ran into Steve.

The super solider rushed to your aid and revealed the entire team behind him. Natasha's face was stone cold, and that scared the hell out of you.

Peter grabbed you by the arm and yanked you into the living room before shaking you roughly and yelling out something like, "What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't become friends with you to see you throw your life away and cause everyone more pain then we already have had!"

You shrank back from Peter, his eyes like fire and you were scared that he was gonna hit you. Tony grabbed Peter and hissed something in his ear and the teen let go of your arms. Bucky moved towards you slowly. You backed up, eyes shut, throat tight, hands clammy, entire body trembling in fear. Your back hit the wall and you finally were able to breathe in before your throat closed up again. You couldn't hear anything or anyone but your forced breathing and a shrill screeching noise that you assumed was your own voice. The pain in your head increased greatly, the whispers in your mind growing louder. You curled in on yourself and pressed your hands to your skull, nails digging into your scalp. Dropping to the floor, you curled up as much as you could, tears forcing themselves out of your forced shut eyes.

You heard a muffled sound, like someone else's voice trying to call out to you, but you refused to regestiar whoever it was. You just kept whimpering and crying and trying to find a way back outside of your own mind...


	2. The other's perspectives.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I reread what I had in the last chapter, and I think that I'm gonna add some context to what you've already read by using another POV. The next few chapters will include Bucky, Loki, and Peter, just so that you have a broader view to go off of why this happened.

*Bucky's POV*

 

Cramming onto a couch isn't exactly my idea of fun, but it was movie night, which can mean four things.

 

1: Tony is choosing, which means stay away unless you want to be scarred by R rated stuff for life.

2: Thor, Rhodey, Sam, Wanda, Shuri, Bruce, or Scott was picking the movie, which means to bring a box of tissues because they will choose some animal-centric or sad story that will get everybody sobbing by the end of the movie.

3: Me, Clint, Natasha, T'Challa or Steve was finding one, which means that either older movies or cartoons will be picked.

And number four? Peter, Loki, and sweet (y/n). My gosh, everybody loves her! She can pull a musical out of thin air and no one will complain about watching it because she's the sweetest little thing!!

Even Tony won't because the next night is karaoke night, and if he says anything about the movie, (y/n) makes him sing one of the songs from there. I still have two weeks worth of blackmail material from him singing A Million Dreams, City Lights, Singin' in the Rain and many other songs.

 

Right now, I'm sandwiched between Steve and Loki. I don't prefer touch, I'm more of a person who enjoys meaningful conversations, but Steve is polar opposite. He LOVES being touched, it was no secret back in the Howling Commando days. Everyday, Steve would pull a prank on us so he would be chased and possibly tickled. The biggest, sweetest, most respectful dork in the world and he couldn't just ask. He HAD TO make sure that when I woke up, I had whipped cream on my hand, the other hand in a bowl of warm water, a feather held by a rope touching the very tip my nose, and that when I would come out of my tent screaming at the top of my lungs, "STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!!!!", a Reveille would play and wake the other boys up. I still can't decide if he means to be a punk/dork/idiot, or if he's too "innocent" to decide.

Good old Stevie.

Tonight is (y/n)'s night to pick. For a while, everybody was talking while she went through the box of movies that Tony had compiled for her. About halfway through them, (y/n) stopped and started staring into the distance, something that she does while she's thinking. I noticed after a few minutes. Tony had been in the kitchen making popcorn, and the smell was so good! Normally, that would alert her and she would snap out of her thoughts. But this time it didn't.

So when Tony passed me putting the popcorn down on the table to my left, I whispered to him, "You might wanna get (y/n) to choose the movie soon or she'll stare a hole through the wall."

Tony turned around and saw the teenager glaring at the wall. It wasn't the first time that this happened. Sighing loudly, he waddled over to her comically in the hopes that it would get her attention. Nope.

"(y/n), are you gonna pick the movie or what?" Tony asked, poking her arm.

I rolled my eyes, but internally I was face-palming. Stark, you IDIOT!

"Yeah sure. Umm. Let's just watch, Singin' in the Rain, I guess," she offered uncertainly.

That definitely got my attention. My gaze automatically snapped to (y/n), my eyes scanning her face. Beside me, I feel Loki staring at her too and I can guess that Peter was too. Something was wrong if she didn't giggle at Tony's antics or make a final decision about whatever it was that we were doing.

"We watched that last week!" Rhodey joked kindly, trying to make her smile.

I happen to know that while Rhodey protested watching that movie last week, he enjoyed it very much. (y/n) couldn't stay awake for the whole thing, due to it starting at midnight, but Rhodey cried when Gene Kelly proclaimed his undying love for Kathy Seldon (Debbie Reynolds) and at the end of the movie when they kissed, he actually clapped before realizing that he wasn't in a movie theater.

"Okay fine," she hissed. "The Band Wagon."

I felt a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. No matter how annoyed (y/n) got, she never snapped like that. Never.

"You heard (Y/N) FRIDAY. Roll film!" Tony called out before heading back to the couch that the Avengers were crammed on. He jumped and landed on Thor, Bruce and Scott, all three promptly shoved him off and scooted over to make room.

(y/n) was left alone on the armchair, cold air hitting her bare arms and legs. I saw the goosebumps rise as soon as Tony moved away from her.

I tried to focus on the movie, but I wanted to keep an eye on (y/n). I switched between staring at the movie and her for about thirty minutes before I noticed where she was looking. She was watching Thor and Tony while they cuddled on the couch. I nudged Steve and he looked up at me. I motioned towards (y/n) with my eyes. We both looked at her and this time we made eye contact. She started and jerked her gaze away, but it was too late.

"(Y/N), everything okay?" Steve asked, pausing the movie.

"Yep." she answered briskly, nodding. "I'm okay."

I studied her face for a minute and found a hidden want. She wanted to be loved. In light of this discovery, I called her out on her lie and replied, "No, you're not."

Her shocked face lasted a split second before turning into a hard glare. Then, she sighed and slumped back in the chair. "No, I'm not."

"What's up?" Steve asked.

I watched her every movement. Slowly, as if she was still thinking, she raised her arms, made grabby hands, and said with a childlike tone and a serious face, "I want cuddles mommy!"

Everybody burst into laughter at that. How could we not? She was our little goofy sister.

"C'mere princess," Peter called, still laughing as he waved her over to where he was cuddling between Clint and Loki.

She didn't need to be asked twice. She scrambled out of the armchair and walked over to the over filled couch. She paused and then sat under where I and Loki were. The two of us shared a look and sat down beside her on the floor, Loki curling up beside (y/n) and me hugging her. She contentedly curled up between us, a bright smile on her face. At this point, Steve sat on the floor, probably so he wouldn't lose me as his pillow, and played the movie again. I saw her smile and I refocused myself on the movie. When one of her favorite scenes appeared on the screen, I decided to check on her. She was shaking, I assumed from cold. I put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to stop her close. She instantly curled into me. I felt a wave of controlled panic wash over me and I knew deep inside that something was bothering her. I choose to ignore the feeling. A few times in the past I have overreacted and it shut her down. Now, I know to only react if something is wrong for certain. My feelings are screaming at me that she isn't okay, but i still choose to ignore it. These feelings are the ones that I would overreact to. I decide to play it the safe way. I hugged her tighter, but I didn't realize that she was crying. I glanced down at her, my precious little sister, and saw her face pressed into my chest. I felt her body heave for breath.

"Steve, pause the movie and turn on the lights," I whispered as I held her close and rocked her back and forth gently.

Steve did so, the others protesting until they saw (y/n).

Loki rubbed her shoulder gently and snuggled up beside her, whispering soothing words into her ears. It took us almost twenty minutes to calm her down. When I knew that she had stopped crying and would be able to talk, I slipped my hand under her chin and pulled her head up so I could look directly in her eyes. Surprisingly, she made a sort of choking noise when I touched her. I studied her face for a moment, then curiously ran one of my fingers down her neck. She jerked away with a squeak and rubbed her neck where I had touched her. That got my attention. I quickly shared a look with Loki and on a silent count of three, we squeezed her sides lightly. I was expecting a squeak, maybe a sharp jerk away. But she SHRIEKED and jumped away from us to the other side of the room.

"What?" I asked in delight. "You're ticklish?"

"No. I just find you touching me very funny," (y/n) deadpanned. I wasn't sure if she could even do that!

I started to give what (y/n) called my "tickle torture everybody in the Complex" face.

"No. Do not." she warned, backing away towards the door.

"Why?" I asked, a knowing smile on my face.

(y/n) paused and glanced around at the room of Avengers. Something changed in her eyes.

"Because..." she tried to speak, but her voice cracked and the end of the word.

"Because why?" Peter asked, joining me. I was starting to get a little concerned.

"Because... I don't..." she tried again, but then she decided it would be better to bolt from the room.

"Let's go," I called to the others, giving chase. I ran outside the living room and glanced around before running towards the kitchen. That place had so many places to hide, and it had a dumbwaiter for (y/n) so she could get back to her floor if she needed to get up there fast. Damn you, Tony, why did you have to do this for her?? "Doll, where are you?"

I was gonna keep going towards the kitchen, but then I heard the elevator door open. Whipping around, I saw someone bolt inside.

I dashed around the corner and jumped inside just before the doors closed entirely.

"So, what's your reason for me not to tickle you to death?" I asked, a smirk covering my face as I slowly advanced towards her. "You like it, I saw it in your eyes that you enjoyed it. So why would you turn down a chance to be loved by me?"

I expected maybe a denial that she liked it. Or a few giggles as she waited in anticipation. But instead, she looked down and whispered, "I don't deserve it. This. Any of this... Even my life."

I froze. What was she talking about? She was the sweetest girl that I ever knew! My forehead wrinkled in confusion and concern.

"What?" I whispered, my eyes begging for an answer.

The elevator doors opened on (y/n)'s floor and she bolted out, calling over her shoulder, "Please don't tell anyone."

I just stood there and waited until the elevator went back down to the other floor where the others are on. I finally got over the shock and I started hyperventilating. The doors opened and Steve is there waiting for me and (y/n). But his smile fades as soon as he sees my facial expression.

"Buck?" he asks. "You alright?"

I couldn't fight back my emotions anymore. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and Steve grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the elevator before he hugged me tightly.

"Bucky, it's okay, I promise it's okay. Whats wrong?" Steve whispered.

"Did he find (y/- is he okay?" Tony asked, coming to stand at Steve's side.

"I don't know Tony," Steve replied.

"C'mon, let's get him inside the living room," Tony murmured quietly, taking my other hand.

Slowly, they started to lead me to the living room.

"It's (y/n)," I choked out.

Both men whirled around and faced me.

"What? What happened to her?" Steve growled, a menacing look on his face.

I flinched and shook my head. I can't tell them what she said, not while they're like this.

"She's fine, Steve," I forced out.

"Well then why'd you say that something happened to her?" Tony asked curiously.

I stayed silent.

"Bucky," Steve was about to lecture me, I could sense it.

"I can't tell you until I know that you are calm!" I blurted out.

"Tell who what?" Loki asked.

I glanced around the room and saw everybody watching me. I quickly wiped away all the visible tears, but some still ebbed from my eyes.

"Something about (y/n)," Tony explained.

"What happened to her?" Peter asked, staring at me.

"You have to promise not to freak out!" I spoke harshly and every sounds in the room stopped.

"Why would we freak out?" Tony asked. Then his eyes grew huge. "No. No way. She's pregnant?"

Everybody screamed, "What???"

I shook my head, "No Tony. She's not. And if she was, don't you think that she would tell us herself or tell Bruce about it so he could monitor her?" I sighed loudly.

"Well what is it?" Natasha asked.

"Promise not to freak out," I shot back.

"Okay, yeah, fine. We promise, now what the hell is wrong?" Tony cried.

I drew in a few breaths so I wouldn't pass out, then I said, "When we were in the elevator. She, umm... she said something that really freaked me out..."

"What was it?" Peter asked slowly. "What did she say?"

I really wanted to tell them, but my heart was crushed by what (y/n) told me. Steve noticed my face and squeezed my arm.

"It's okay, Buck," he whispered.

"I... I can't repeat it right now," I whispered to Steve.

His face softened and he sat down with me and hugged me, drawing circles on my shoulder with his fingers.

"Let me know when you can say it again," Steve murmured.

I just buried my face in my hands and cried.

 

 

*at around seven thirty am*

 

I opened my eyes to find Steve's arms curled around me, snoring away. Everybody else was either sleeping or drinking coffee by the ton. I tried to sit up without waking Steve, but he woke up anyway.

"Morning Buck," he yawned.

"Hi," I said back.

Suddenly, we heard a smack. Turning towards the kitchen, we saw Tony standing in the entrance to the living room with his hand on his forehead. He must've hit himself.

"I could've just asked FRIDAY what she said," Tony groaned.

My mouth fell open.

"Hold on, you put security cameras in the ELEVATORS????" Shuri asked, thoroughly shocked.

"Yeah. I wanted to make sure that bad guys can't get in from anywhere. Plus, it was Peter's idea," Tony defended himself, pointing to the teenager.

Peter rolled his eyes.

"Just pull up the footage, Mr. Stark," he sighed.

He did so and displayed it on his Stark-phone.

It showed Bucky advancing on (y/n), and her hand hang before Tony realized something.

"Audio as well please, FRIDAY?" he asked.

FRIDAY seemingly sighed before adding audio to the video and rewinding it a little.

Recording me said, "So why would you turn down a chance to be loved by me?"

(y/n) hung her head and the recording barely picked it up, "I don't deserve this. Any of this... Even my own life..."

The recording showed me being thoroughly and utterly shocked. (y/n) rushed out and yelled, "Please don't tell anyone!"

"End of security clip," FRIDAY announced and the video faded from view.

Peter's eyes grew dark fairly quickly, and he stormed off toward the elevators.

"Pete, hey! Peter! Come back," Tony yelled after him, dashing to stop him.

Instead, everybody else followed the spider-ling walked over to the elevators and got inside the metal box, determined on seeing if (y/n) was alright.

I sighed and went with them, not knowing what state of mind she was in. Nobody said anything, even super upset Peter.

The wait seemed like hours and I had to clutch Steve's hand tightly to stay calm.

Finally, the doors opened and something cannoned into Steve as he tried to step out. (y/n) stumbled backwards and fell flat on her back.

"(y/n)," I breathed out as my best friend rushed to help her. I turned around when I heard Natasha growl something in Russian. Her face could not have been more cold. But there was a way to know if she was truly angry or if she was scared out of her mind. Her eyes went completely black if she was angry, if she was scared, they stayed the same. I sneaked a quick glance at her eyes; they were still their original color.

Everybody was filing out of the elevator and I joined them. I saw Peter yank (y/n) to her feet, grab her by the arm and yank her into the living room before shaking her shoulders roughly and yelling out, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I want to see you kill yourself?! Why do you think it's okay to cause everyone more pain then we already have had??!!"

Instead of answering back, (y/n) shrank back from Peter, his eyes like fire. Tony grabbed Peter and hissed in his ear, "Not gonna help her Parker, I understand that you are upset, but you need to calm down. This isn't helping her or you."

Peter dropped her arms and she flinched away. I moved towards (y/n) slowly, trying to coax her to come to me and let me hold her.

She backed up rapidly, her eyes closed, entire body shaking, skin pale. Her back hit the wall and she gasped for air like a person who almost suffocated underwater. Suddenly, (y/n) started screaming and she curled in on herself, pressing her hands to her head, nails probably breaking the skin on her head. Dropping to the floor, she curled up as much as she could and I could only guess that she was crying.

"(y/n), sweetie, you need to let go of your head," Bruce commanded gently, trying to pry her hands off her skull.

"Doll, you need to listen to Bruce, okay? You're hurting yourself," I joined in, kneeling beside her.

"I'm such an idiot," Peter said quietly, watching the scene. "I made this happen. It's my fault. Oh my god, I hurt her."

"Hey kid, kid, c'mere," Tony instructed gently.

Peter stumbled forward, tears pouring from his eyes and fell into Tony's chest.

"Shh, Peter, it's okay. It's not your fault, you were upset and scared, it's not your fault," Tony whispered, stroking his hair and squeezing him tightly.

"I hurt her!" Peter wailed and started full on sobbing.

Tony sat down on the ground and Peter curled into the billionaire like a small child.

At the same time, Bruce and I had finally gotten (y/n)'s hands off her head and now she was crying in Bruce's lap.

I felt a weird cold feeling of dread or something flood over me. I very slowly and very gently lifted (y/n)'s head up so I could see her face.

She wasn't there. I mean, she was there, but not mentally. Her eyes had a hollow look to them and she kept making clicking and whistling noises, no speech.

Something dark is going on, and we need to find out what it is before it's too late...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!!


	3. The Others Perspectives (two of three)

*Loki's POV*

 

 

Movie night. The thing that I enjoy no matter what it is that we're watching. Of course, I only enjoy it because I get to be with (y/n). The cutest child in the universe. Sure, she has her quirks, but no matter what, she will always seem normal to me. I was already in the room before anyone else. Peter was being a little bit of a pest, insisting that he should sit where ever he wanted to and that I should let him do whatever. Well! I made the kid have some manners. I didn't hurt him, just made him laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes from my fingers. I just touch him and he's laughing. Funny. Anyways, we finally got ourselves situated in the living room and (y/n) was the doll picking the movie tonight. More than likely, we will end up watching some weird musical from early modern human history. We already went through the first movies ever made, "Silent pictures" they're called, and now we have made it to the 50s era of movies. I was talking to Peter and Clint about the latest mission. Fury has never fully trusted me, so I chose to stay out of missions unless I'm absolutely needed. I was in the middle of explaining a tactic when the smell of what Mid-Guardians called "popcorn" floated through the room. That food is delicious, for something that looks so unnatural. Now that I'm not talking, I hear Bucky, who is currently sitting next to me, whisper something like, "I think (y/n) is gonna stare a hole through the wall." That doesn't sound good, nor do I believe that is possible. I watched Stark waddle over to (y/n), a goofy grin on his face. She didn't stop staring at the wall, a slight scowl covering her face. He poked her arm and she snapped out of her trance.

"(Y/N), are you gonna pick the movie or what?" Tony asked, poking her arm again. I could feel the sarcasm rolling off Bucky. He doesn't like Tony very much. It's not because he killed his parents, it's more like he can't stand being around Tony because he's just so... Strange, paranoid, unstable, having some sort of Attention Deficit Disorder or ADHD, ALL OF THE ABOVE???? No! Tony is SUPER normal. (no he's not)

"Yeah sure. Umm, let's just watch Singin' In The Rain, I guess," (y/n) sighed, shrugging her shoulders. I felt Bucky tense up beside me. Him, myself, and the Spider-boy are the closest thing (y/n) has to family. No one here knows what actually happened to her family. Me and Wanda have both tried to find out about her family when she was sleeping and her guard was down, but we couldn't go any further into her memories past the car accident that took her mother's life. We couldn't even find out how she got her powers, or how her dad died.

"We watched that last week," Rhodey complained. Colonel Rhodes, or Rhodey, was a joker. Not in a murderous way, mind you, but in a happy way. He tried to make people laugh as much as possible in their life, (y/n) more than anyone else. Everybody knows about the scars on her heart, but no one knows what actually happened to her.

"Okay fine," she hissed. "The Band Wagon."

I knew something was wrong. The sweetest child in the universe would never snap like that to anyone. Never.

"You heard (Y/N) FRIDAY. Roll film!" Tony called out before heading back to the couch that the Avengers were crammed on. He leaped into the air and landed on my brother, the Ant-Man, and Bruce. I smirked as Stark was shoved off of them. Serves him right for jumping onto people like that.

I decided to keep an eye on (y/n). I glanced back to her, and I saw goosebumps start covering her skin. As the opening credits started to play, I looked back at the movie. Without intending to, I got sucked into the world of Fred Astaire and Cyd Charrisse.

Suddenly, the movie stopped, and I snapped my gaze to (y/n).

"(Y/N), everything okay?" Steve asked.

He must've paused the movie.

"Yep." she answered quickly, nodding. "I'm okay." She replied a little too quickly for my taste.

Bucky studied her for a minute, then replied, "No, you're not."

Her face went through a series of expressions before she glared at Bucky, then sighed and slumped back in her chair. "No, I'm not."

"What's up?" Steve asked.

I saw her frown as she thought for a moment, then very slowly raise her arms, form grabby hands, and whine with a childlike tone and a serious face, "I want cuddles mommy!"

Everybody burst into laughter. This is the reason that we love her. Even if she is in pain, she tries to make other peoples lives easier.

"C'mere princess," Peter called, still laughing as he waved her over to where he was cuddling between Clint and me.

I watched her tear herself from the armchair as if it was toxic, a new light in her eyes. OH! THAT'S what (y/n) wanted! Love. She dashed over to us like a five year old kid who saw Christmas had come early. She suddenly slammed to a stop right in front of Bucky and me, then sat down beneath us. Why didn't she- oh. There's no room. I glanced at Barnes and I saw his eyes, filled to the brim with fondness for our girl. I realized that I felt the same. I must feel the same if she only comes to one of us, me, Barnes, or Peter, if she's scared or upset. Once she forms a bond with someone, it's rarely left unused for more than a few hours.

I moved to sit down beside her and Barnes did the same. She curled up contentedly between us. Steve also sat down beside Bucky, and un-paused the movie. For a while, everything seemed to be going good. 

Until: "Steve, pause the movie and turn on the lights."

Steve did so, the others protesting for a few seconds.

I saw (y/n), her face buried in Bucky's chest, skin clammy, shivering from possible exhaustion or cold. She was showing all the symptoms of what we on Asguard call "The Death Touch." It is a sickness so terrible, many people have died from it. The humans call it, "depression", which I think is entirely stupid. Why name something as serious as Death Touch after a sinkhole in the surface of a planet? Why do we call it Death Touch? The Asguardians believe that the bringers of death, my sister Hela among the swine who take lives, poisons the souls of people with an immobilizing sadness. Even Odin has suffered from it, which is almost impossible to believe. As soon as you see the symptoms, you immediately need to find something that makes you happy. I rubbed (y/n)'s shoulder gently and snuggled up beside her, whispering soothing words of encouragement into her ears. Time seemed to slow down while Bucky and I comforted (y/n). She is so special to me that I don't feel that I can live without her in my life. I might survive, but I wouldn't live. (y/n) finally stopped crying, I could tell because she stopped shaking and she stopped making noises that sounded like an angel scream. Angel cries sound so heart wrenching that you feel their pain almost double then what they feel. (y/n) didn't pull her face away from Bucky's shirt. I don't think that she was going to for a while. Bucky thought the same. He brought his hand down to her neck, but instead of her looking at us, she made a sort of choking noise and flinched more deeply into Bucky's chest. Well that's interesting! Bucky studied her body posture for a few moments, then curiously ran one of his fingers down her neck. (y/n) jerked away with a squeak and rubbed her neck where he had touched her skin, finally looking up. That got his attention. He glanced at me and then back to (y/n). We just found out the biggest secret that anybody can hope to hide, how can we not exploit it, just once? Counting down from three, we gently squeezed her sides. She shrieked and jumped away from us to the other side of the room in mere seconds.

"What?" Bucky asked in delight. "You're ticklish?"

"No. I just find you touching me very funny," (y/n) deadpanned. Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna be on her death list tomorrow. I looked over to Bucky and saw that he was wearing one of his signature smirks. I shook my head. Bucky wore that face whenever he had the intent of tickling anybody in the Complex.

"No. Do not." (y/n) warned, backing away towards the door.

"Why?" Bucky asked, a knowing smile on his face.

I noticed a very slight change in her, her body language got more defensive, she hid her emotions by putting on a blankish face, she avoided looking directly at us. She seemed completely closed off.

"Because..." (y/n) attempted to speak, but she was cut off by her own voice cracking at the end of the word.

"Because why?" Peter asked, joining Bucky.

"Because... I don't..." she seemed to fumble for words to use to describe how she felt. Then, she decided to bolt instead of trying to explain why she didn't want to be touched suddenly.

"Let's go," Bucky crowed, running after (y/n).

Bucky seemed so enthusiastic about cheering her up that I decided to try and help him. But when I had reached the elevator, the doors were closed. There was only one elevator up here, so all I could do was wait for it to come back. I guessed that it wouldn't be for a while, so I walked back into the common room, sitting back down beside Peter. He thought it was a good idea to jump on my back to wrestle with me. I had him pinned in two minutes.

Steve had thought to wait by the elevators. I heard the ding of the doors when they came back up. (y/n) was probably bolting for the kitchen. When we didn't hear laughter or even a squeal, Tony went out to the elevators as well. I heard a quiet murmuring from the elevators, and I saw Tony and Steve pause a few yards outside the entrance to the living room. "Well then why'd you say that something happened to her?" Tony asked curiously.

I could only assume that they were talking about (y/n). I slowly walked towards the entrance of the living room, stopping when I saw Bucky standing with Steve and Tony, tears freely flowing down his pale cheeks, and I can only assume that something happened to (y/n). I decided to quickly use my magic to make sure that she was safe. I thought about her room and a image popped up in my head of her laying on the floor, listening to music. Typical.

 

As I focused back onto the conversation taking place before me, I watch Bucky say in a panicked way, "I can't tell you until I know that you are calm!"

"Tell who what?" I intervened.

Bucky quickly wiped away all the visible tears after glancing quickly around the room, but some kept coming.

"Something about (y/n)," Tony explained.

"What happened to her?" Peter piped up, walking over to stand by Wanda.

"You have to promise not to freak out!" Bucky spoke harshly and every sound in the room finally stopped. All attention was on Bucky.

"Why would we freak out?" Tony asked. Then his eyes grew huge. "No. No way. She's pregnant?"

Everybody screamed, "What???" I rolled my eyes. Typical of Stark to go to the lowest common denominator.

My opinion was confirmed when Bucky shook his head, "No Tony. She's not. And if she was, don't you think that she would tell us herself or tell Bruce about it so he could monitor her?" he sighed.

"Well what is it?" Natasha asked.

"Promise not to freak out." Okay, now I'm worried, what could've happened in the elevator that got Bucky like this?

"Okay, yeah, fine. We promise, now what the hell is wrong?" Tony cried.

Bucky breathed in a few times, then he spoke softly and slowly, "When we were in the elevator. She, umm... she said something that really freaked me out..."

"What was it?" Peter asked slowly. "What did she say?"

Bucky's hands were shaking so much, I though he might fall apart. Steve noticed how uneasy he was and squeezed his arm gently.

"It's okay, Buck," he whispered.

Bucky murmured something to Steve that made his entire composure soften like butter. He led Bucky to the couch and sat down with him, hugging him while drawing comforting circles on his shoulder with his fingertips.

"Let me know when you can say it again," Steve said quietly.

Bucky broke and just started crying.

I felt some sympathy for the guy, I don't like watching anybody cry like that. Within thirty minutes, Bucky was asleep. "Wanda, see if you can find out what happened," Tony said quietly. Wanda gently placed her hand on Bucky's forehead and tried to see into his most recent memories. A moment later, she pulled her hand away rapidly. "Wanda?" I asked. "His memories are untouchable when he's dreaming. I could turn him back into the Winter Solider or worse, erase his memories! I'm sorry, but we need to drop it for now. Loki, (y/n) is okay right now, yes?" Wanda replied back. I nodded. "Then let's leave the issue until morning. There's nothing much we can do right now." I didn't want to drop the issue, but there was no other thing to do right now. Besides, she's fine. Not hurting herself. Not thinking dark thoughts, as far as I know. She'll be okay until Bucky can tell us what's going on...

 

 

*at around seven thirty am*

 

I woke up to the smell of coffee. I didn't remember falling asleep last night. I glanced upward and saw Tony hovering over me with a mug in his hand. "Hey," he said softly. "I thought you might want some coffee when you woke up." Then he frowned and thought for a moment. "Wait, you were awake, right? Oh, dammit! I'm sorry for waking you up." "Stark, 'tis fine. Thank you for your thoughtfulness." I replied in an attempt to get him to stop thinking so hard. "Okay. Here," Tony handed me the mug and shuffled back into the kitchen. He was never very good at relating to people who didn't think the same way as him. But he did try.I sat up, carefully so I wouldn't spill the coffee.

Slowly, more people started waking up. Stark quickly supplied them with a drink of their preferences. Nobody said anything. After Bucky's breakdown yesterday, I don't think that the slightly sad atmosphere will change until (y/n) explains what happened last night. A small shift in the direction of the couch alerted me to the fact that one of the Super Soldiers were awake. I turned around and saw Bucky sitting up on the couch, Steve glancing up at him.

"Morning Buck," he yawned.

"Hi," Bucky responded, helping Steve to sit normally on the couch.

Suddenly, everybody heard a smack. I saw Tony standing in the entrance to the living room with his hand on his forehead. He must've hit himself.

"I could've just asked FRIDAY what she said," Tony groaned.

FRIDAY? She couldn't possibly know what went on in the elevators... Unless... 

"Hold on, you put security cameras in the ELEVATORS????" Shuri asked, voicing my thoughts, though in a more incredulous manner. 

"Yeah. I wanted to make sure that bad guys can't get in from anywhere. Plus, it was Peter's idea," Tony defended himself, pointing to the teenager.

Peter rolled his eyes. He knows how direct barbed comments away from him.

"Just pull up the footage, Mr. Stark," he sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. I think he was up WAY too late last night. What would his aunt think?

Tony nodded, before typing something and displaying the footage on his Stark-phone.

It showed Bucky advancing on (y/n), and her hand hang before Tony realized something.

"Audio as well please, FRIDAY?" he asked.

FRIDAY seemingly sighed before adding audio to the video and rewinding it a little.

Recording Bucky said, "So why would you turn down a chance to be loved by me?"

(y/n) hung her head and the recording barely picked up her last spoken words, "I don't deserve this. Any of this... Even my own life..."

The recording showed Bucky being thoroughly and utterly shocked. (y/n) rushed out and yelled, "Please don't tell anyone!"

"End of security clip," FRIDAY announced and the video faded from view.

Peter's eyes grew dark fairly quickly, and he stormed off toward the elevators.

"Pete, hey! Peter! Come back," Tony yelled after him, dashing to stop him.

Instead, everybody else followed the spider-ling walked over to the elevators and got inside the metal box, determined on seeing if (y/n) was alright. Nobody said anything, even super upset Peter. I knew from checking on her a few times during the night that she was okay, but I haven't checked on her in a while... Maybe I should look. No! There's no reason to invade her thoughts, well... Maybe. Oh god, I hope she's alright.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the ding of the elevator that let us know we were there. I was snapped back to reality when the doors opened and something cannoned into Steve as he tried to step out. I watched as (y/n) stumbled backwards, stumble at the landing step and fall flat on her back.

Steve rushed to help her. I heard Natasha growl something in Russian, but I didn't care what it was. All my attention was on (y/n).

Everybody was filing out of the elevator after me. I saw Peter yank (y/n) to her feet, grab her by the arm and yank her into the living room before shaking her shoulders roughly and yelling out, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I want to see you kill yourself?! Why do you think it's okay to cause everyone more pain then we already have had??!!"

Instead of answering back, (y/n) shrank back from Peter, his eyes like fire. Tony grabbed Peter and hissed in his ear, "Not gonna help her Parker, I understand that you are upset, but you need to calm down. This isn't helping her or you."

Peter dropped her arms and she flinched away. Bucky approached (y/n) slowly, trying to coax her out of her fear induced state.

She backed up rapidly, her eyes closed, entire body shaking, skin pale. Her back hit the wall and she gasped for air like a person who almost suffocated underwater. Suddenly, (y/n) started screaming and she curled in on herself, pressing her hands to her head, nails probably breaking the skin on her head. Dropping to the floor, she curled up as much as she could. I tried to find a way into her mind and tell her that she was okay, but I was thrown out by something strong. I tried again but this time it hurt me immensely to even try and get past her raging thought patterns.

"(y/n), sweetie, you need to let go of your head," Bruce commanded gently, trying to pry her hands off her skull.

"Doll, you need to listen to Bruce, okay? You're hurting yourself," Bucky kneeled beside her.

"I'm such an idiot," Peter said quietly, watching the scene. He started to back away from everybody and ran his hands through his hair in an effort to calm down. "I made this happen. It's my fault. Oh my god, I hurt her."

"Hey kid, kid, c'mere," Tony instructed gently.

Peter stumbled forward, tears pouring from his eyes and fell into Tony's chest.

"Shh, Peter, it's okay. It's not your fault, you were upset and scared, it's not your fault," Tony whispered, stroking his hair and squeezing him tightly.

"I hurt her!" Peter wailed and started full on sobbing.

Tony sat down on the ground and Peter curled into the billionaire like a small child. I felt torn between two drama series, one, a patient falls into a self induced coma or something, the other, a kid has a panic attack after being truly human for a moment.

At the same time, Bruce and Bucky had finally gotten (y/n)'s hands off her head and now she was crying in Bruce's lap.

I was watching Bucky very carefully, to make sure that he wouldn't be triggered by the events going on. He very slowly and very gently lifted (y/n)'s head up.

I noted her eyes, hollow. Broken. Dammit! I looked around for Tony. There he is, on the floor. I asked, "We need to do something. (y/n) is in a lot of pain, and I think we need an expert on the minds of humans. Do you know anybody?" Tony looked up from comforting Peter. "I don't know. Bruce? Who's the world's foremost expert on the human mind?" Tony called across the room. Bruce didn't look up from (y/n), but he said, "I know his last name and where he lives, but not his field of work. Steve! Look up Dr. Xavier from England. See if he has an email or something we can use to get a hold of him." 

Steve got on his phone, for the first time actually able to use it without messing up, and was typing away for a few minutes. Then he looked up and said, "Okay, I told him our situation, he should call us sometime in the next ten minutes." Just as he finished speaking, we heard FRIDAY say, "Sir, you have three guests waiting downstairs for clearance to come up."


End file.
